How to Pray When Someone You Love Is Dying (and You Don't Have the Words)

On my livestream this week, we talked about being too tired to pray. And then a comment came in that I haven't been able to stop thinking about…

A woman shared about visiting someone in hospital. The lady in the bed was ready to "go back home," as she put it, to be with the Lord. She was so tired that she wanted her visitor to leave. And I wondered about that visitor, too. Sitting there, not knowing what to say. Not knowing how to pray. Probably just as tired.

I didn't reply in the moment. But I took it away with me, and I prayed. I prayed that lady would know God's peace and His presence. And I prayed that if it's His will to take her home, it would be gentle.

If you've ever sat beside a hospital bed and felt your words dry up, this post is for you.

When you don't know what to say to someone who is dying

There's a particular kind of silence in a hospital room. You want to say something meaningful. Something that helps. But everything sounds wrong in your head, so you say nothing at all… or you talk about the weather, the car park, the tea.

And then you go home and feel guilty.

Maybe you've tried to pray about it and found you couldn't do that either. You know your loved one is going to be with Jesus. You believe it with your whole heart. And still, it hurts so much. Knowing where they're going doesn't stop you missing them.

If that's where you are, I want you to hear this… you are not failing. You are grieving. And God is not waiting for you to find the perfect words.

You can grieve someone who hasn't gone yet

Here's something that surprised me when I first learned it, and it might help you too.

There's a name for what you feel while you're sitting by that bed. It's called anticipatory grief, and it means grieving before the loss, often from the moment of a serious or terminal diagnosis, and it can be felt by the person who is dying as well as by their family and carers. It can feel like a rollercoaster of emotions, and that is completely normal. NCBIEterneva

So if you're already exhausted, already tearful, already missing someone who is still here… you're not being morbid. You're not lacking faith. You're grieving, and it started early.

And there can be a gift hidden in it. Many people find that this time gives them the space they needed to say goodbye, to have the difficult conversations, or simply to say "I love you". Talkspace

That's exactly what happened to me with my dad.

My last visit with my dad

When my dad was dying, he was in hospital. He couldn't eat, and his body was so unwell. It wasn't an easy sight. I went to see him a few times, and honestly, I just didn't know what to say.

The last time I saw him was 2 weeks before he died. I decided that this would be the visit where I said goodbye. And where I finally said thank you.

Because my dad gave me the gift of creativity. He was the one who encouraged me to draw pictures of his mum, my nana. He'd compliment how I wrapped a present, or my handwriting, or a picture I'd drawn. He bought me colouring books when I was little.

And when my wedding day came, and not everyone in the family was ready to celebrate it, my dad decided he wasn't going to miss walking his only daughter down the aisle. I had never really thanked him for that.

So I did. And then I asked him if he wanted Jesus to come into his life, and if he'd like me to pray with him. He said yes. That was the first time I really prayed with my dad in my own way… and it was so, so special.

I didn't have a speech prepared. I just had "thank you" and a simple prayer. It turned out that was enough.

How to pray when someone is dying and your words run out

There have been many times in my life when I couldn't pray. Times when the emotions were so big and so overwhelming that I didn't know what to say to God. I was just too tired.

In those moments, I've learned to do 2 things. I ask others to pray for me. And I simply sit with the Lord and say nothing at all, and let the Holy Spirit pray for me.

That's not a lesser kind of prayer. The Bible tells us that "the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know how we ought to pray, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groans too deep for words" (Romans 8:26).

And if you think God can't cope with your raw, unedited feelings, look at the Psalms. Scholars count 58 of the 150 psalms as psalms of lament, nearly 40% of Israel's songbook, where the writers pour their grief, confusion and pain straight at God. Lament isn't a lack of faith. It's faith in its rawest form, still turning towards God even when you can't feel His goodness. TylerinloesServants of Grace

And remember, Jesus Himself wept at the tomb of Lazarus, which tells us plainly that grief is not a failure of faith. Bible Study Tools

What my work taught me about words

For 34 years I worked as a speech and language therapist, many of those years with people who couldn't speak.

I remember a young boy whose brain couldn't pass messages the way it should, so words were so hard for him. I taught him Makaton, but what he really longed for was a voice. He'd just been given a big new trike, and he wanted to tell his friends at school all about it and his trips to the park. So we fundraised, and found a secondhand communication aid. And off he went to tell everyone about his special moment.

We take words so much for granted. But I learned something through that work… love always finds a way to be communicated. A hand held. A picture. A single word. And God hears every one of them.

One gentle practice: write to God, even if it's the same words

If you're sitting beside your mum's bed tonight, or grieving someone you've already said goodbye to, here's one small thing you can do.

Take a page and write to God. It doesn't have to be eloquent. It can be the same line over and over again:

"I don't know what to say, God. I don't know why I feel like this. I don't know why this is happening. I don't know."

And then wait. Listen. You might like to doodle while you wait, a simple shape, a little boat, a candle. Let your pen move while your heart catches up.

And listen for His voice saying, "I am with you. I have not left you." Because He has promised, "I will never leave you nor forsake you" (Hebrews 13:5).

And when you don't know what to say to the person in the bed? Say what Jesus said to His frightened disciples in the storm. I'm here. Jesus is here. You don't need to be afraid. He's in the boat with you both.

Grief isn't a straight line, and the research agrees

I want you to know something about grief, even when you know your loved one is safe with the Lord. Grief doesn't move in a neat line from sad to okay. It goes round in circles.

And it turns out that's exactly what the researchers found too. Psychologists Margaret Stroebe and Henk Schut developed what's called the Dual Process Model, which says that instead of moving through tidy stages, we swing back and forth between facing the loss and getting on with daily life. You might spend the morning in bed crying and remembering, and the afternoon doing something ordinary that brings a bit of normality. Both are needed. Taking a break from the hard work of grief is allowed. It's how you catch your breath. Understanding the Dual Process Model of Grief: A Balanced Approach to Healing +2

So when you laugh at something on a Tuesday and sob into the washing up on a Wednesday, nothing has gone wrong. That's how grief is built.

There's another comfort in the research too. Continuing bonds theory says that keeping a connection with the person you've lost, through memories, photographs and little rituals, brings comfort and helps you hold on to who you are. You don't have to let them go to heal. The memory of the person you love will never leave you. You'll hold on to it… and that's okay. ResearchGate

And one more thing, gently said. Sometimes grief stops moving altogether. When it becomes all-consuming and you can't function, that's known as complicated or prolonged grief, and it often needs proper support such as grief therapy or a support group. There is no shame in that. Asking for help is its own act of faith. distresscentre

Through all of it, God is still with you. We grieve with hope, not without it (1 Thessalonians 4:13), and that hope has room in it for real tears and real time. Tylerinloes

A page a month is still time with God

If this post stirred something in you, I'd love you to come and join us inside the Sketch and Collage Collective. Nearly 200 women from all over the world meet there to create Scripture-based folios, with a new theme each month.

And here's the thing… you don't have to do it all. Even if you only make one page, and come back to that same page again and again all month, that is time spent with God. That's where healing can begin.

👉 Join the Sketch and Collage Collective for $8 a month: https://creativesoulspace.com/sketchcollage-collective-only

Bev x

P.S.

On Monday 21 September at 1pm UK, a room full of women are going to spend 40 minutes making a mess on purpose.

It's called Finding Your Artistic Voice. We're building one layered mixed-media page together, and one of the steps is to draw something with a broken crayon and then deliberately smudge it.

I know. For some of you that sentence just made you feel slightly ill. It's in there on purpose, because most of us aren't blocked creatively. We're blocked by the fear of ruining it.

I failed my art exam at 16, and then put art down for 34 years. So when a woman tells me "I can't draw", I don't argue. I hand her a broken crayon and some worship music and get out of the way.

🎵 Carol Brotherston playing live worship the whole way through
📖 A workbook to go with it
📷 Cameras on or off, entirely your choice
✨ Anchored in Genesis 1:1... the very first thing we are ever told about God is that He made something

This is a members workshop inside Creative Sanctuary and the doors are normally closed, but I've left a back door open for this one.

Come and be in the room on Monday: https://christianartjournaling.com/membership-checkout

A Space to Bring Your Whole Self

And if you're not quite ready for a retreat but want to begin doodling with God today, start here: creativesoulspace.com/quiet — it's just $7 and it's the gentlest possible first step.

Come and find me at https://christianartjournaling.com/creative2026  ~ there's a whole community of women here who are finding their way back to God, one mark at a time.